In the recent weeks we seen two high profile divorces, Wendy Williams and Adele. Both cases represent a situation where a highly successful woman marries a less successful man. In other words, what I call “marrying down” rather than practicing hypergamy. While we all do not know the specific reasons behind the divorces, this situation highlights the higher divorce rates in marriages where the woman is the higher wage earner.

So after all that we know about the divorce rates among such unions, the question then becomes why do couples keep choosing to go against both nature/nurture? The way society and biology works it encourages that women practice hypergamy and accept marriage proposal only from men that earn higher than them.

Lets talk about how society encourages hypergamy for women in marriages. Simply men in society financial out earn women in society. While this is slowly changing, it still stands that men still outpace women in earning. The male dominated career fields get higher pay than female dominated fields. In north america, women( taking into account racialized differences) in general make 68 cents to 90 cents for every 1 dollar a man makes. Finally most of the powerful and leadership positions (CEOS, and political leaders) are dominated by men

In terms of biology, the fact that women give birth and men do not, often results in different experiences in the world. Also men innately have the desire to build and protect. While women innately have the desire to nurture and care

Now that we have discussed this, lets take a look at why women choose to continue to follow the path of most resistance and accept to marry men that earn less than themselves:

1. Low self esteem/ self worth. Many women like Wendy Williams may have high self esteem in their careers and work life. However in their personal life they would have low self esteem and believe that they are not entitled to have access to high quality men that believe in providing, building and protecting the women they marry
2. Some women have the rescue mindset. They often have the sacrifice mentality and they place value on how much they rescue or nurture people around them. I often call this “over mothering instinct” syndrome. The natural instinct for the women to nurture and care is put into overdrive in this cases, that the women feels its their job to self sacrifice for all people including men that do not deserve her sacrifice
3. Childhood and cultural upbringing. Many women get programmed by their children experiences and cultural groups to feel obligated to take care of the needs of men without reciprocity. Whether they saw their mothers do so, or their aunts, grandmothers do so. In terms of marriage it is better to approach it with the give and take philosophy. It is a man’s interest to provide, build and protect his wife and family in order for his wife to be able to nurture, care and provide for him
4. The last reason, I call the “Turandot Syndrome,” the woman is under the illusion that the more they self sacrifice themselves, the more a man would grow to love them. However much like the opera turandot the young maiden decision to sacrifice herself for the love of the man ends up backfiring when the man chooses the women that didn’t care for him at all rather over her. At the end of story the young maiden kills herself after she realizes her selfless love had been used by a man who didn’t really love her.

The moral of the story woman should aim to practice hypergamy, and if they find any or all these reasons apply to themselves, they should seek counselling before entering into any type of any relationships

Lets talk about how to move from east coast to the west coast. We moved from Ottawa to Vancouver in August 2018. We were successful able to achieve this goal by planning. This is how our plan looked like:

a) We gave ourselves 10 months to focus on moving. We both had a full time job in Ottawa, so we had to work around our busy lives and schedule by creating a longer period to plan

b) For each month we set a target of goals to accomplish. For example for “month 6” we planned to start looking for apartment. We figured it will take at least 4 months to find an apartment in Vancouver.

Also another thing to do is make a list to do before moving:

1. find boxes to pack
2. find a discount moving company
3. find a place to live in Vancouver (for our needs as a couple it may differ from a family or a single person)
4. Quit our jobs
5. Start to pack. divide the rooms, and target each room every month
6. cancel utilities
7. Sell our car. we needed extra money. plus we did not want to own a car in Vancouver because of the expenses until we become better settled in Vancouver
8. Look into the job market in Vancouver
9. Start saying our goodbyes to friends we had made with coffee dates and outing
10. Donating furniture and clothing, throwing away everything else

What you need to move:

In order to move you need at least three months of savings while you are looking for work.

How much did it cost for us to move:

a) For the moving company $985…We choose the discount company centennial moving after looking at the reviews and comparing prices

b) Our airline tickets cost a total of $800. A one way trip from Ottawa to Vancouver, plus baggage cost

c) We stayed in an hotel for our last night in Ottawa. It cost us $160

d) Our taxi service to the airport $25

e) damage deposit for our new apartment in Vancouver was $725. The best way to find an apartment in Vancouver is research. Look at craiglist and google search. We made a list of all available rental companies and building management companies in Richmond (our decision to move to Richmond was because of where it located in Vancouver, and the rental pricing in Vancouver). After making the list, contact each rental company three months in advance, to know the availability and when to start applying.

*********The total cost for the move was $2695*******

I will write a blog in the future on the cost of setting up the apartment. buying furniture and other household supplies.

So we need to get to know this area better. We have a month to do this but here is a few things I have noticed about New Westminster Quay Area:

Walk along Columbia St. This area is a dream area for any soon to be bride. Top notch bridal shops in Vancouver. Actually this area is where I got my wedding dress for my wedding day. Any one looking for wedding dresses must come to this area. Columbia st from 8th st to 4th st in New Westminster.

The “old” paramount is apart of New Westminster history. A gentleman’s club it has been providing adult entertainment since the 1940’s. A part of New Westminster history.

The railroad tracks runs along Front st. It is a remainder of the old settlement nature of New Westminster

I have written in previous blogs about the decreasing rates in marriage and the changing mentality in men when it comes to their societal roles as providers, builders and protectors.

Wendy Williams divorce is a case study in the changing dynamics in men/women relationships and how this is proving to be detrimental to women, and to society in general because of increasing divorce rates and lowering marriage rates. Wendy Williams presents a binary personality. On one hand she seems to be very confident when it comes to her professional life. She is very ambitious and has paved her way into being a serious contender in the entertainment industry. On the other hand, she appears to have low self-esteem when it comes to her personal life. Judging by her acceptance of a husband who does not meet her socio-economical level.

The question is what is going on in society that is allowing more and more women to be paired with men that often are not suitable to be providers, builders and protectors. The answer is complex yet very simple. The simple answer is more and more men are abandoning or are unable to take on their societal roles as providers, builders and protectors and this is causing a shift in societal dynamics.

In more complex terms a system of supply and demand has been created with this shift in societal dynamics. There is more supply of marriage minded and inclined women to lesser demand for these women by marriage minded and inclined men. This imbalance has created women to accept partnerships from men that are not suitable or inclined to be husbands or fathers.

This dynamic allows for two types of men to increasing appear in today’s American culture. The two types of men are the peter pans and the gigolo. The peter pan man knows he not suitable or ready for marriage. However, he knows that there are many low esteemed and desperate women who are looking for companionship. What this man does is he moves from one monogamous relationship to another monogamous relationship without legally committing to any of these women. In his path he leaves a lot of women emotional drained and hurt. The gigolo also knows he not suitable, but he actually preys on women. He attaches himself to women that he feels are socio-ecomonically better off than himself and drains them of their resources to eventually leave them, once he feels he gotten what he needs out the woman he has attached himself to. In this today’s age of dating and marriage, women must be smart in order to weed out these two types of men.

Vancouver is one of the most expensive cities to live in North America. However what you get in return for living in Vancouver is the best climate Canada has to offer, top notch restaurants and diverse choices, extremely clean and safe city, and amazing air quality due to Vancouver’s proximity to the ocean & mountains.

Now you may ask, what is the best place to live in Vancouver. If you can afford to live in the the downtown core of Vancouver it is the best place to live. The price of one bedroom place here ranges from $1900 and upwards. The spaces are quite small, so that limits the quality of movement in the apartment. However, who wants to stay in your apartment when you can go to English Bay, see picturesque views of the mountain, and walk around and absorb the life of the city.

But if are single and you make $50000 per year or if you are a couple and you make a total of $70000. To be frank if you make less than $50000 a year you will not be able to afford to live on your own. After taxes and other deductions from your pay check per month if you make $50000 a year you will be taking home around $3500 per month. To live anywhere around the the 1 hr radius of Vancouver it becomes a challenge. If you make $50000 or less, you may need to get a roommate or live in a basement.

Me and my husband make a total $67000 per year together. We are starting out in a new city. We plan on upgrading in terms of work in the near future after we become more settled. So we made the decision to live outside the downtown city core. The best places to look for apartments outside the downtown city core is North Vancouver, Burnaby, and Richmond. All this places offer easy access to the city downtown core through local transit. You can get a one bedroom apartment rental between $1400 to $1900 in these areas.

For us, we got a one-bedroom rental in Richmond. Our place costs us $1450 per month. We are a 15 minutes walking distance to the skytrain (the local light rail system). From the skytrain, we are only 25 minutes from Vancouver downtown city core. We are close to public transit, grocery stores, parks and trails, 7-eleven, eateries and restaurants. It is a very safe area, and very peaceful. Our place has a outdoor swimming pool, but unfortunately we do not have a fitness room. We have a in-suite laundry. The additional cost for our place is hydro, which we pay about $100 every two months. Our water bill is covered by our rent. So this is to give you a glimpse about living in Vancouver on a budget.

We are heading for this next month to the Vancouver suburb of New Westminster. For historical purposes, New Westminster is the first capital of British Columbia. It is one of the oldest settlements in British Columbia excluding of course the earliest population of First Nations that settled on this land. New Westminster is quite an intriguing area of Vancouver. It offers an older architecture that is only present in select sections of Vancouver (e.g., Gastown). A look around this area takes you back to a distant history in Vancouver and makes you realize that although Vancouver is a newer city, it has a past steeped in history. The population here is ethnically mixed, with the majority of the population being of people of European background. There has been over the last decade a move to renovate the city and make it the next trendy city. New Westminster is composed of so many smaller neighborhoods within a bigger city. For the blog this month we will focus on a particular area that has gone under a lot of renovation, but retains it historic charm. The area is NEW WESTMINSTER QUAY. Located on the waterfront up to Front st, Columbia St and Carnarvon St. Also moving east and west from 8th st to 4th st.

The tallest tin soldier located on the waterfront in front of the River market 810 Quayside Dr.

Ladies and Gentlemen there are still phone booths and you can find it in New Westminster @ Columbia St

Few Pictures of the Waterfront. We will be taking more pictures of the waterfront @810 Quayside Dr.

Let me begin by first defining what I mean by a broke man. A broke man is a man who is financially, emotionally and mentally broken. The emotional and mental brokenness can come from childhood experiences or unhealed life experiences. Financial brokenness comes from not being able to take care of basic financial means, and this could come from not knowing how to budget properly or not having enough educational or work experience to attain beneficial employment. If a man finds themselves in this situation, they should refrain from getting into any type of serious relationship until they are able heal themselves.

The reason I put so much stress on men to heal themselves is because men’s role in society is to provide, to build and protect. In order for a man to perform this role adequately they must be able to perform that function for themselves first.

I remember a nursery rhyme growing up called “Farmer, farmer will you marry me” In this rhyme a young lady is trying to convince a farmer to marry him. The Farmer rather than telling the young lady that he wasn’t ready to marry her, he takes her on a journey where he demands she gets a pair of shoes, clothes, and other things in order for him to be prepared to marry her. At the end of the rhyme the Farmer is shown to have wasted the lady’s life and time, and the Farmer as shown himself as a weak individual.

I have carried this nursery rhyme into my adulthood and the greatest lesson from this story is “Do not build a bear” because you will create a monster. It is a not a women’s job to build a man. A man that doesn’t choose to invest in himself, and gives his power to another person to control and build often develops a external locus of control and this can prove very detrimental to the psyche of the anyone, especially to men because of the purpose in society.

Often what happens with men with an external locus of control is they develop a sense of entitlement. They view people they encounter as a means to end, rather than acknowledging people as their own spiritual beings. Many of this type of men use manipulation as witnessed with the “Farmer rhyme” to try to attain material means from people in their lives. However what happens with this type of men is although they may be able to achieve financial success, they are left spiritually bankrupt because they realize all they achieved wasn’t through honorable means.

I truly challenge men to honor their roles in society not for anyone else, but for themselves. Focus on building yourself first, use self help books and other means to create the man you want to be before you pursue a serious relationship.

Last week I showed you how I and my husband were able to achieve a trip of a lifetime to the Maritimes on a $2500. In this post I am going to breakdown all the individual cost of the trip.

Our trip was a total of 7 days (one week) at the end of July and beginning of August 2018. The places we visited were Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Pei, and Gaspe, Qc.

1. Bus Tour, This included accommodation and travel to and from the maritimes with Midearth (located in Ottawa), for two people was $1579.74
2. Meal plan for two people for one week was $514
3. Tickets for sightseeing for two people was $400
4. Taxi Service to take us from our apartment to the drop off location and back was $30
5. Souvenirs and other things bought $50

The total for the trip was $2573.74. Here are the beautiful pictures:

The first set off pictures is of the Gaspe area of Quebec…On a boat going to Bonaventure Island

These images are of New Brunswick, From a Shediac lobster to the Bay of Fundy

This images are of Prince Edward Island, from the house of Anne of Green Gables, to Cavendish Beach, to a lobster to savour, to the Confederation bridge

This is images of Nova Scotia from Peggy Cove and the village, to downtown Halifax and the waterfront

Another month has ended, and onto a new neighborhood in Vancouver. For me Vancouver-Kingsway is the heart of Vancouver. Everything will constantly change in Vancouver, but for me Vancouver-Kingsway would never lose its flavor

Pho Thai Hoa located 1625 Kingsway, offers a variety of Vietnamese dishes and phos

Located @ 2229 Kingsway, Bubble Tea & Dessert Cafe offers a wide range of Asian inspired desserts and drinks. Great Value and it hits the romantic spot for two people looking for a touch of sweetness

For the Vegan or Vegetarian individual. This area of Vancouver has a lot of restaurants that caters to this market. Dharma Garden @ 3195 Kingsway is one worth trying

When it comes to Chinese food, this area does not fall short in the selection. Our pick for this evening was Ning Tu @2130 Kingsway. Be prepared to pay with cash or Canadian debit.

The last three pictures is to highlight the number of businesses located here. Vancouver-Kingsway serves as a service business industry area with a number of autobody shops, pet grooming and pet clinics, message parlors, nail salons, non-profit help centers.

The best way to get here with Transit is when in downtown Vancouver. Take the number 19 Metrotown heading east. The stop is located @ Granville St and West Pender St, and enjoy the bus ride as you go through other neighborhoods in Vancouver.

I am a fanatic and advocate for marriage. Before I dive into the reasons why I have such a passion for this institution, let me provide the facts about marriage as it stands today in America and Canada. Marriage rates have been on a decline. It has fallen by 8 percent since the 1990’s. The divorce rates among older adults(baby boomers) have increased by 3x since the 1980’s. However the bright spot is, there is a falling divorce rates among the younger married adults (millenniums). Although the marriage rates have fallen among this cohort, the divorce rates has also been falling. Meaning people may not be getting married in this age group, but when they do get married, they stay married longer.

Why do I love marriage? The benefit of good marriage can not be underestimated. Often marriage requires work and communication in order for it to be successful. When two people are able to work together or seek marriage counselling in order to do so, a good and beneficial marriage is produced. Health wise, both men and women in good marriages report higher levels of financial, physical, mental and emotional well being than those that are single. The next question people ask why do you need to be married, why can’t two people just live together in a common law situation.

It is true that there are similar legal benefits to being common-law spouses as compared to legal married couple in most states and provinces. However what makes marriage still favorable over common-law arrangement is the written contract aspect of a legal marriage. It makes it easier to access and retrieve all the benefits attached to being a couple. Can you image an untimely passing of a spouse where no legal will is present? what becomes of the common spouse vs a married spouse? Similar situations have shown us that married spouses fair much better than common law spouses in those situations

Another reason I push for marriage is the security, and commitment mindset that the institution of marriage brings. Although it is becoming easier to divorce one’s spouse, however studies continue to show legal marriage prompts both men and women to stay committed. Couples in co-habituation situations tend to end their relationships at higher rates and to have more of a laissez-faire approach to relationship leading to more passivity in trying to make their relationships work.

Also the respect and honor accorded to legally married people in society can not be underestimated. Although many states and provinces are starting to recognize common-law marriage and giving those unions similar statuses as legal marriage, there is world outside of Canada and the United States. In the situations where many couples are now employed in companies that encourage couples to move to other parts to world for work. What does that mean for one of the spouses who is not legally married to move to another country that does not recognize co-habituation? What additional arrangement do they have to make in different states, provinces and countries when they are moving to those places for work or even travelling to those places?

Finally marriage produces a psychology effect that enables the couple to see themselves as a team. This teamwork mentality allows for incredible growth in all aspects of their life. Imagine knowing you have someone that has committed legally in front of his family, and your family to be there for you for the rest of life? See how that shapes you psychological to be the better version of yourself and enables you to want growth in the relationship including having children together, sharing your finances and sharing your life as a team.