Why Broke Men should not date or get married

Let me begin by first defining what I mean by a broke man. A broke man is a man who is financially, emotionally and mentally broken. The emotional and mental brokenness can come from childhood experiences or unhealed life experiences. Financial brokenness comes from not being able to take care of basic financial means, and this could come from not knowing how to budget properly or not having enough educational or work experience to attain beneficial employment. If a man finds themselves in this situation, they should refrain from getting into any type of serious relationship until they are able heal themselves.

The reason I put so much stress on men to heal themselves is because men’s role in society is to provide, to build and protect. In order for a man to perform this role adequately they must be able to perform that function for themselves first.

I remember a nursery rhyme growing up called “Farmer, farmer will you marry me” In this rhyme a young lady is trying to convince a farmer to marry him. The Farmer rather than telling the young lady that he wasn’t ready to marry her, he takes her on a journey where he demands she gets a pair of shoes, clothes, and other things in order for him to be prepared to marry her. At the end of the rhyme the Farmer is shown to have wasted the lady’s life and time, and the Farmer as shown himself as a weak individual.

I have carried this nursery rhyme into my adulthood and the greatest lesson from this story is “Do not build a bear” because you will create a monster. It is a not a women’s job to build a man. A man that doesn’t choose to invest in himself, and gives his power to another person to control and build often develops a external locus of control and this can prove very detrimental to the psyche of the anyone, especially to men because of the purpose in society.

Often what happens with men with an external locus of control is they develop a sense of entitlement. They view people they encounter as a means to end, rather than acknowledging people as their own spiritual beings. Many of this type of men use manipulation as witnessed with the “Farmer rhyme” to try to attain material means from people in their lives. However what happens with this type of men is although they may be able to achieve financial success, they are left spiritually bankrupt because they realize all they achieved wasn’t through honorable means.

I truly challenge men to honor their roles in society not for anyone else, but for themselves. Focus on building yourself first, use self help books and other means to create the man you want to be before you pursue a serious relationship.

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