What does it mean to be a unicorn? A rarity, a treasure, and someone a person will invest his resources to capture or to have.
I look at youtube, the internet in general and dating/coaching books telling women how to motivate or sway a man into wanting you. This is a misguided view among many dating coaches that changing a women’s behavior/looks will then alter a paticular man’s view of that woman and his desire for her. Often I look at these dating coaches as slick oil sales people, knowing that they are selling pipe dreams to desperate women who have been sold on fairy tales and feel a sense of despair and blame for not being able to secure a “prince charming” of their own. It is never a women’s job to secure a man. It her job to take care of herself and then the man that is meant for her will be drawn to her.
My background is in social psychology. I have formally and informally studied the psychology of men. Human beings are animals, we may have evolved brains, but at the heart of it all we are still swayed by our biology. Our basic instincts can be controlled to certain levels, but our primitive brain can be triggered at any moment when we come across circumstance that may mean our life or death. The art of sexual conquest or mating invokes that part of brain because it is a matter of life or death. This is why it is important that a women does not sleep or have a sexual relationship with a man that hasn’t choosen her because he doesn’t see her as his unicorn, the one that will perserve his life.
Men are natural born hunters. Their role in human society is to obtain the resources needed for his survival and the survival of the woman he chooses. This instinct is so biologically programmed to the extent that when he encounters a female member of the spiecies he will make a quick visual assessment to whether that member of the female species is the woman that would enable him to perserve his life and for this woman he will bestow his resources. A sort of trade of, A man bascially says, “you give me life or the promise of survival and i will give you my resources for you to do so”. It takes a minutes or sometimes mere seconds for a man to categorize a woman he comes into visual contact with, and this is inbedded deep down in his brain. So after this initial assessment, it is 95 percent of time that the man’s view of the woman will never change if the woman is deemed as as a unicorn. It is likely to get demoted if circumstances presents itself that makes the woman an unfit candidate, however it very unlikely for the women to be promoted to a highest status of unicorn if that assessment was not made during that intial encounter. So you get what I am trying to say, if you are never seen as a unicorn intitially you will never be a unicorn, no matter what you do, you could fight to get acceptance to be something that mimics a unicorn or one of the other categories that the a man will place you into, but you will never be that woman he bestows all his resources to. So here is the breakdown of why you should never give your most precious gift of yourself to a man who would not provide you with all his resources.
It gets a little a confusing for most women, because a man doesn’t only make an assessment for unicorns, but also differents categories a woman may mean to him. Here are the 7 categories a woman may be placed into. We will explore the categories in depth in the next article, but here is the brief breakdown of the 7 categories or levels a woman will be placed into:
level1-“everyday woman”- majority of woman, a man encounters, will fit into this category. at this level you are indifferent to the man. The man will not spend any resource on you to gain your attention. You mean nothing to him. Will a man accept sex from you if you were to walk up to him and offer it? funny enough yes, depending on the risk involved, he just will not spend anything to elicit or obtain sex from you though, unless he desires sex and you are a sex provider by trade.
level 2-“just friends, really just friends”- a minority of woman will fit this category. You match the mental and emotional needs of the man, but the man doesn’t have or has lost his physical or sexual attraction towards you. Will a man accept sex from you, yes if he really gets drank and of course he will not spend any of resources to obtain this sex.
level 3-“booty call or hook up girl”-a minority of woman fit into this category. You match a man’s sexual and physical needs and nothing more. He will do little or try to do nothing to obtain sex from you. Like calling you on a thursday night to come to his place, eat a slice of pizza and have sex. Little spent to obtain you most precious natural resource.
level 4- “friends with benefit”- a promoted booty call or hook up girl. At this point the man realizes he will not obtain sex without inputting a certain amount of resource. If he wants that sexual gratification he needs to fake a semi relationship. In this scenerio, he will spend as little time, money or energy in order to get sexual access to you. He is not interested in maintaining any type of relationship, but just doing what he can to have ongoing sex with until he gets bored or find another source of sexual conquest. It is very easy to identify, if you are in this scenerio, because the man let you know. Please walk away from this scenerio, you are lying to yourself if you think this scenerio presents a better opporturnity for you, because it will damage your self esteem and self worth, not matter the outcome.
level 5-“girlfiiend” -Upon initial contact with a man, he should propose marriage within 3-6 months. If he doesn’t you will fall into the category of girlfriend. The only difference between “girlfriend” and “friends with benefits”, is you will have the benefit of being introduced to family and friends. There is increased access to a man’s resources and the man will take you outside more on dates rather than “netflix and chill” much of the time. The girlfriend maybe a setup for the next level of attainment known as “wifey” only if the guy does not find a better target of his affection or doesn’t get tired of you. Basically the girlfriend is whatever the guy desires from you, until he ready to make his decision about whether to move you to another category or you are a place holder until he finds his unicorn or gets bored.
level 6-“wifey”- the wifey is a complicated category. Like all the previous category, there is a lower end going all the way to higher end. To simple state, the wifey category exists on a bell curve where you do not want to placed on the lowest end, and the highest end receives some elements of the “unicorn treatment”. What is common among the women in the “wifey” category is the man has choosen to marry the woman (he is presenting this woman to the world as his wife). But there is disparity in this group. There is the “wifey” that receives nothing from the man but the label of being a wife. She works three jobs, takes care of the children, is subject to some form of abuse, and the man has been basically been unemployed for as long as they have been married. On the other end, there are women on the higher end, who maybe a stay at home mother and is well provided for and appears to have a “unicorn status”. If you are pragmatic or practical woman, the wifey category may be quite acceptable especially if you are on the higher end of the spectrum. The marriage in many cases do last if either the husband or wife is not idealist in nature. The”wifey” model comprices about 90-95 percent of marriages today. The wife may soon get tired of being with a man that lacks passion for her, and the husband may find someone that elicits in him feelings of passion and the desire to spend all his resource.
level 7- “the unicorn,” most women would want to be choosen as the unicorn to the man. This is very rare. The estimate would be 5-10 percent would ever experience the level of unicorness to their man in a context of marriage. This is when within minutes or even seconds the man has choosen to see you as the woman they would want to spend the rest of their lives with. Within 3-6 months the man is often proposing to the you. To make it clear, it is not the shady situations where con artists con women by pretending that there are their “unicorns.” and get them to spend money on them. In this situation, you have elicited in him, the desire to give all his life, liberty and freedom in order for you to be happy. This is the greatest sacrifice a man can give to a woman. The women in this situation are allowed to rest in their feminity with no worries about what their men are doing. The man ceases to notice other women around him, and his concentration is always on what would be the greatest ease and happiest for the woman in his life. In the next articles I will explore further the notion of what it means for a woman to be in each level, and can a woman really alter the view a man has of her.