Stop telling women to “choose better men”

I am getting tired of the narrative telling women to choose better men. Books such as “Act like a lady, think like a man” or “He is not that into you” promote the false notion that women need to become professional psychologist in order to secure a good husband. To be quite honest even the best trained psychologist would not be able to tell you the steps needed to pursue and secure a man. Encouraging women to take a role that they are not socially and biologically designed to do, is setting that woman up for failure and causing an imbalance in the male/female dynamic. Men are socially and biologically programmed to be hunters in the game of mating, women are not programmed to be hunters. Simply you can not outwit a hunter at his own game, and If you are able to outwit that hunter, you will spend so much energy that you will not be able to engage with other hunters that you will want to catch you

I urge and advocate for women to employ a different strategy when it comes to the mating game. The focus shouldn’t be on outwitting a man into choosing you, or trying to figure out a particular man’s intention. Rather the focus should be on herself. In other words, do not try to “think like a man” or “try to figure out whether he is into you” It is a waste of time and energy, and its not your job and God give talent to do so. The ways in which a woman can increase her chances of securing the best man for the job are:

  1. Become the best version of yourself so you can increase competition. The more hunters that hunt after you, the more likely the best hunter will emerge.
  2. Expose yourself to different environments with different hunters and then once you figured out the best environment and best hunter for yourself start going to that environment and making yourself a target in that particular environment for all the eligible hunters
  3. Develop two sets of lists for yourself. Non-negotiable characteristics and negotiable characteristics. Each list must contain at least five traits. This allows you to have standards and acknowledge those standards before you encounter any man that wants to pursue you. Non-negotiable characteristics allows you to throw out any man who may even meet the majority of the characteristics, but even if they do not meet one of that non-negotiable characteristics they are eliminated as your pursuer. Negotiable characteristics are characteristics you may prefer, but can negotiate if the man meets other important characteristics. I remember when I met a man that met every characteristics I desired and more. This guy even owned a red Ferrari. The only thing about him is that he didn’t have one of my non-negotiable characteristics. He was not Catholic, and I needed my future husband to be a catholic because of how deeply I was involved in my faith and I could see the pitfalls of marrying a non-Catholic. I stuck to my standard and eliminated him as a pursuer.

So to finish this blog, I do encourage women to become the best versions of themselves, and allow the best man to rise to the challenge of winning your heart

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