Warren Buffet, one the richest investors, once said “the greatest investment or decision a person can make is their choice of whom they decide to marry”. Taking a cue from Warren Buffet, I would like to advice Men to only marry their physical prototype and Women to marry a man that earns more than them. On my next post I will focus on the men, but for this post I would like to focus on the women. The reason why women should practice hypergamy (the practice of marrying up or marrying someone who earns more money than you) is that women in this situations have longer and more satisfying marriages than women who don’t, and this has been confirmed by studies.
We all have qualities that we are looking for in a husband. All the qualities we want in our partner should be weighed against each other. However the top quality that all women should look for in a man, is their ability to provide financially. The question becomes what about women that are the primary wage earners in their relationships and those relationships are successful? these occurrence is often rare and the exception, and the couples in these dynamics have to work harder in order for their relationships to work because they are going against social and biological pressure. An example of such a couple is Denzel Washington and his wife, Pauletta. In the early stages of the relationship and marriage, Pauletta earned more than Denzel, while he was a struggling actor. They now have been married for 30 years with four kids. In my own personal situation, when I met my husband he was still in university and I earned more than him. However with all our struggles we have been married for 7 years and now my husband is earning more than me, giving me the avenue to begin to pursue my interest. However what I have to say that it has been a struggle to get to this point in our relationship. We had to delay having children because I have been working sometimes two jobs in order for him to pursue his education. My advice to women reading this if you meet a man who happens to earn less than you, befriend him, but move away from attaching yourself to him as girlfriend or wife. Wait till he at a stage where he becomes more economically successful than you to accept him as a boyfriend or a husband.
If you are wondering what made my situation successful, or for that matter, Pauletta situation successful. I can identify key factors that helped our situations. The first one being the guys we accepted into our lives had strong value systems. My husband for example is a catholic and was raised in a working class family and his parents have been together for more than 30 years. Secondly, my husband pursued me and we had a set goal and value for our future together. We knew that me as the primary wage earner was temporary until he was able to finish school and then our roles will switch where I could now explore my self interest and practice self-care. Thirdly, we both were young, in our twenties. It is more understandable for him to be broke as a 20 ish year student than being broke as someone past that age group.
The higher divorce rates among couples that have the women has the primary wage earner boils down to a phenomenon known as “mother and son” dynamic as opposed to “husband and wife dynamic” that is created. The wife takes on the role of the mother and the husband takes on the role of the son, which creates disharmony and tension. Why does this create disharmony and tension? Simply most boys will lose interest in their mother like figure physically, emotional and mentally as they grow up. This why many men in this type of situations opt to cheat on their wives. In reverse, many women will lose interest in babysitting their man child and opt to cheat in the relationship.
So my advice comes down to this, all women should practice hypergamy. If you come across a man that interest you, make sure they can support you. If they can’t support you, give them the space to become the man they are meant to be.